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Sporadic » 2010 » October

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Archive for October, 2010

Don’t always fear the beard

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

I went to my very first World Series game last night. The Giants won 11-7. Very nice.

Billy would go to the damn world series is what he would do

I look like I have boobs

However, the thing that I have most enjoyed about this post season came in game 5 of the NLCS. As I mentioned earlier, I have enjoyed being  sanctimonious Steeler fan for the majority of my life. As we were building up to the series, I was following with increased interest the tales coming out of the Rangers/ Yankees series. I read a recent account of the Yankees fans apparently being more than a little mean to Cliff Lee’s wife. Now, I don’t know how the giants fans behaved last night but there’s been nothing in the press about it yet. Maybe that’s because we took Cliff Lee from “unhittable” to “guy who got completely shelled”. So Giant’s fans didn’t have to have that whole I’m so mad that I can’t believe this and I have to aim that anger somewhere. I also don’t think that Giant’s fans would have that simply because all of us are just shocked speechless that we’re even here. There would never be any incredulity with a loss, sadness sure, but  not shock. There’s more shock associated with the fact that we’re even here.

Anyway….so I’m at NLCS game 5…Phillies are up 3 to 1… we’re one game from clinching…it’s the last chance we have to clinch at home.  Every single Giants fan, while hopeful and well wishing, has some serious fears about sending this game back to Philly.  As the innings progressed and the runs failed to appear, some fans started to move towards that kind of directionless frustration. It was at this point that Philly knocks a pretty good ball into the outfield. I can’t remember who hit it, but it was one of those insult to injury moves. The time when you throw your hands up into the air and just sigh.


If you’re a philly fan it makes you jump up and yell something about how awesome the phillies are. If you’re one Giants fan, it makes you hurl your empty plastic beer glass at that Philly fan. And in an incredible twist of fate…your beer cup hits the Philly fan in the head. This was one of those points where things could have gone two ways. The first way, the bad way, would have been if those Philly fans yell back and then the Giants fans get riled and then there’s a melee.

What happened was not that… and what happened was so refreshing it made me suddenly sanctimonious again. From the cheap seats, walking on the backs of the bleachers comes this guy, wearing an orange Giants be-logoed suit, a foam beard and a pair of Elvis sunglasses replete with side burns. Suddenly he’s right on top of these phillies fans and he’s got a hand on the philly guys head and he’s yelling in the direction of the cup.

It completely diffuses the situation. Suddenly, this crowd that could have gone to riot, feels guilty about what it’s just done and just sort of stops it’s antagonism.

In a night that had little to recommend itself…Giants lose, series goes back to Philly, it rains…there was this one thing. And honestly, it was a pretty good thing.

Baseball 1, Football 0

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

The San Francisco Baseball giants are in the pennant race.

I have to admit to you that I was not a baseball fan for much of my life. Sure, when the pirates got good back in ’79 I tuned in. I picked some favorites.

Burt Blylevin, Willie Stargell, closer Kent Tekulve

These names still ring a bell, but honestly, I can’t say I was more than a fair weather fan.

That all changed out here in the city by the bay, I am friends with people who like baseball, who talk about baseball, who discuss baseball and who go to baseball games. So I decided about 5 years ago that I was going to be a baseball fan.

It’s taken a few years and I’ve learned something new each year:

  • That black crap on batter’s helmets is Pine tar
  • A balk is when the pitcher is into the wind up and then throws at the runner
  • The in field fly rule means that even if you drop the ball the runner is still out and it prevents people getting unfair double plays
  • I can actually see what pitch is being thrown (usually only on TV- but sometimes at the game)

Seriously, I actually know something. And my knowledge is being rewarded this year. The Giants are playing well and they have advanced to the NLCS and I am able to put allthe knowledge I’ve picked up to good use.

I’d like to thank Giant’s announcers Mike Krukow and Duane Kyper, without whom I wouldn’t know all of the bullets above, along with tons of other useless trivia.

And it couldn’t come at a better time.

See, my beloved Steelers have got me conflicted. For years I enjoyed being sanctimonious about the Steelers. The Rooneys were a class act and they demanded classiness from their players. People who played for the Rooneys were held to a higher standard. They were expected to stay on the right side of the law and to behave in a manor befitting the Rooneys.

So I spent years getting to make jokes about all the felons on the other teams. Then our superbowl winning star quarterback acted exactly like the hillbilly that I have said that he is. No it doesn’t matter that he wasn’t charged. The very fact that he put himself in that situation, the fact that he was drunk in public, buying drinks for underage women, acting like he was a stupid 19 year old at 28. Why do that?

I’ll tell you why: he’s a hillbilly with too much money.

Enter Buster Posey, solid hitter, rookie star…married his high school sweetheart, bought a house 2 miles from the house he grew up in, spends the off season with his family and friends in the town he’s lived his whole life.

Ahhhhhhhhh….it’s like a warm bath. It’s like Peyton Manning is on the team I like. He’s not banging models. He’s not involved in “an incident outside a nightclub”. He’s not arraigned for gun possession.

He’s just hitting well into the gap and that makes me happier than 4 and 1.

Go Giants!

Dear other 49 states, Vote Republican

Friday, October 15th, 2010

I made a shocking decision this morning and I am encouraging everyone I know (out of state) to vote republican.

Of course I’m not advocating that you do that here.

I want everything here in California to get better, I want to keep personal and civil rights in place, I am hoping for a day when everyone is treated equally and people are not just interested in the rights of oil companies or banks. A time when no one, no matter how poor they are, gets quality health care. I don’t want some crazy lady who outsourced 15 k jobs from her own company to do that to us, but as for the rest of you… let’s do this thing!

Here’s my logic:

I heard an interview on the news this morning about how the “do-nothing administration hadn’t been able to tackle the enormous deficit or get us out of two wars or fix wall street or do anything about the oil spill in the gulf” and that’s why this person was voting republican. I actually heard the needle scrape off the record in my head. “What!!??” thinks I.

  • Doesn’t this guy realize that the previous administration got us in to two wars that ran up that deficit?
  • Doesn’t he realize that republicans actively advocate (even now) for less regulation on banks and big business (read: oil companies)
  • Isn’t that the very definition of stupidity? Doing the same thing twice and expecting different results?

Here we are at a landmark point in our nation’s history. We have a president who has good ideas and wants to put them into practice, but what we hear from the right is “We won’t work with this guy! We’re going to drag our feet and complain!” and most interestingly “Where’s your birth certificate!?” (it’s here)

Do you remember when you were in grade school and someone was being obstinate, stubborn and stupid? What did you say? “Let the baby have his bottle” So I say “vote republican!”

Then they’ll come in…screw everything back up…complain some more…point fingers at everyone but themselves…yell a bunch on Fox and Friends…and in two years we’ll be ready to re-elect the president.

Only like I said… don’t vote for Meg Whitman or any of these jackasses. (yes I get the irony) Because while I agree that we should let the republicans screw stuff up but good. I don’t want then to mess up stuff where I live.

Thank you and long live the tea party in every state but mine,


PS yes I know that I actually said the words “how much damage can a one term republican do?” back in 2000. Yes I know the answer to that it’s : Exactly one crapload. So…I’m ready to eat my words and go  back into the dark ages when my “elect a douche bag” plan backfires. If that does transpire I’ll categorically deny everything and go into hiding in a secret undisclosed location (read: Canada)