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Sporadic» Blog Archive » You are not alone

You are not alone

So my employer*, announced the second round of layoffs today. I think ** I made the cut. I am however, willing to be wrong about that.  The thought of layoffs in this economy is scary as hell and so I have devised a scale by which you can measure your own personal disasters. This will help all of us feel like we’re part of more global perspective.

so here, from best to wost is the Personal Disaster Index or PDI

  1. Walk in spring time holding hands with the one you love
  2. Walk in springtime by yourself
  3. Walk in springtime holding hands with someone who you are about to break up with when you get to that park bench 10 feet from here
  4. Scabby rash
  5. Food poisoning
  6. Broken collar bone
  7. Deciding to move to Alaska without supplies and then further deciding to eat those potato seeds with the stripes
  8. Sucking chest wound
  9. Train accident, where you are either a.) the train or b) the person under the train
  10. Clockwork orange treatment watching Myriah Carey’s movie “Glimmer”

Hopefully this helps you rate the stuff that’s wrong with your life in a way that’s both easy and numeric.

* who let’s just call Macrosquishy

** fingers crossed eyes closed tight

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