The Warren Commision

I can’t say I’m a big Primus fan, but everytime I have to spend time in the Dept. of Motor Vehicles I remember a lyric from Pork Soda. I can’t remember which song. It says:

“I’ve been to hell:  I spent it.

Spent it at the DMV

And anyone who’s been there knows precisely what I mean”

And Mr. Claypool is correct. I stood in line for 45 minutes so I could get a number to let me wait in line again. The numbers are designed to confuse you so you don’t know exactly how long you’ll wait- it’s like G 018 or F 046 and they might come back to back. Very confusing, but confusing by design.

So I get my number and take a seat in one of the many highly uncomfortable plastic chairs and embark on an adventure!

I sat down with my number towards the edge of the room, right next to window #12. At window # 12 was a guy named Frank Wolenski. How do I know this? Well Frank said his name about 46 times and the woman behind the counter repeated it 46 more. Frank’s name was actually Warren. Frank explained this to the dutiful state employee at length. However, Frank lacked anything but his good word that this was true. The employee required more than his word.

It went like this:

“I’m Warren Wolenski”

“I’m sorry sir but your documents say that you name is Frank”

“But my name is Warren.”

“Do you have any documentation to show that Mr. Wolenski?”

“No. I have my driver’s license.”

“Which says your name is Frank.”

“But my name is Warren”

“But your license says Frank”

“But it should say Warren.”

“But it doesn’t”

“How do I change that?”

“I’ll need documentation”

“I have my license”

“Third Base”

This went on for almost the whole hour I sat waiting for my number to be called. Here’s the worst part:

He gives up 2 mins before I get called to my window. They start processing his new license. I get to my window. They process my renewal. We finish within seconds of each other and then he walks around to the Photo window and gets in line right in front of me.  I get to hear the previous conversation repeated every time he speaks to a new person. It easily adds 30 minutes to everything I do from that point forward.

If it wasn’t so funny it would be sad and if it wasn’t so sad it would be funny.

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